Saturday, May 17, 2008

I'm back's been awhile

This seems like a recurring thing, I know.. but I've come back to blog about difficult times, and struggles I'm dealing with.

First, I think everyone lies to themselves on a daily basis, and I am no exception. The thing is, I choosing to not stop lying to myself. I'm struggling with what I learned from my crazy insane folks about the importance of secrecy, keeping up appearances, and selfishness. It's like they opened my skull, poured their stuff inside - gave my a whirl, and then - left me to *live*.

Fresh in mind right now, is a phone call I had with my father. It actually reminds me of me - and how selfish I can be. No, correction: how selfish, I am.

So, a few days ago, my daughter "Sstinks" had a birthday party. Now, I should remind any of you who might be reading - that I have to struggle and really convince my mother (my dada is not an option) to actually spend time with my daughter. They usually see them when we cart ourselves over there.

So, anyway, the morning of the party, I called Mr. Monrovia, to ask him if could pick her up from the party she was at and drop her home. Can you believe he actually started out by saying that he'd prefer if I would take the subway over to his house, use the car, return the car, and then take the subway back to my house -
because that is what would be convience to him. Silence.

I told him that the party was about 2km from my house(as oppose to his 12km), (and we weren't trying to send a taxi) so could he just please pick her up and bring her back to the house.

I felt angry. I had to explain how we (DD and myself) are the only ones in the house takoing care of our children, and so me being away for that travel time makes no sense. I was made to have to jump thru hoops to be able to get Stinkapee home from a party.

It is this jumping thru hoops that I try and force DD to go thru with me.

Off to go meet the family now...