Wednesday, February 25, 2009


I had another session with my counselor. We did more of the psycho dramatic sessions- this time I played my mother. I had been holding off on doing her - but some really important truths came out it. He (my counselor) made an obversation about my childhood house. Remember, he's asked me to perform each member of my family house. We done my great aunt, my father and then over the past few weeks - we/I've been dealing with the death of my father-in-law.
Jim (not my counselor's name) after now "seeing" all the adults that we the house was set up like when you came home, everyone entered their own silos. I have a lot more to write about this. And I will - but right now.. to my friend.

I always have had a problem with that word - but for a brief time I think I forgot about the dynamics that can exist between people when nothing is acknowledged. Really, I think I loved so much to spend time with this person - he seemed to match me creatively, and in terms of passion and vigor - that I forgot one crucial and totally PARAMOUNT element to our interaction.

He is primarily a work contact. And I only have myself to blame .. so much stuff rapped up in being near this person. He's charming, humble, good looking, talented, and funny. I like being around him - I don't feel like I need to be the one carrying the interaction. He's also bigger than I am - and since I had abusive brothers, neglectful parents - my little boy inside - saw him as a great protector.

God damn it..

I really liked him.
I felt good hanging out with him. Why did he have to go and be a fuck head?

More to come.
Boy, it feels good to put this down on paper and look it. I'm starting to look at the ways I engage with various people , and take them for granted.

More later.. - I pulled an all nighter and then dropped the kid at school.