Sunday, September 09, 2007


You know, I was on set today thinking about my life. When I work - I spend a lot of time talking to people and talk and talk they do. People on set often think that because they are paid lots of money.. they're smart. They aren't.

I came home this evening and DD told me about they day she had with our Stinkapee. The cloth menstrual pad.. i have to stop here now cause I'm actually exhausted and want to write.. i'll be back around 5:30 to continue.. must sleep...


So, I wrote that back on Thursday and I haven't choosen to come back to my blog until now. It is early Sunday morning. I was reading the post that DD made about the conversation she had with Stinkapee around menstruation. Okay, first of all, it has taken men quite a bit to actually get to the point of writing this. I had to go into my memory banks, fight my learned "fear of the vagina", visit some websites, fight more fear and angst, do some more deep breathing - truly - quite sad - me - the parent and care-giver of a girl child and boy child, actually being really timid about period blood.


But, can't stay there. I have a lot of parenting to do, and I'm not gonna get it done by resting on my ass and complaining... and trust me... I really do love to do that ... ok?

I think part of what has happened to me is around violence and blood and remembering that growing up - those two went hand in hand. And the memories scare me. Add to that, the fact that there was no conversation about the female body WHATSOEVER in my the family home I grew up in - and you have a recipe for .. wait for it: ignorance.

But, Stinkapee is growing up fast, and very shortly, to be blunt - she and the fatty boy are going to looking at me like: you have no credibility. And that just won't do.

Over on darkdaughta's site, Stinkapee was exclaiming about how excited I'll be to see her new cloth menstrual pad. Isn't that beautiful. She's excited about it, and thinks I will be too. The truth: I can be excited. I just need to take my head out of my ass and connect emotionally to the female body in the present and everyday. Lots of us (men) like to claim - I was at my child's birth (ok, maybe not lots - but you get the idea) ; OR, I am really their for my partner when "it's that time of the month" - but really - all we do is grin and bare "it", until "it" passes (so to speak!) . Not good enough.

Until I start actually engaging with the feelings, and the emotions connected to DD period, how I am going to support Stinkapee? First off, writing this really helps - cause I am very bottled up and wound up. I think one thing I am going to propose is that when her cycle begins, we have a "request/RESET" days. During this time DD requests what she'd to see happen in our relationship and in the house - because her body does something very specific during menstrating cycle. She becomes very creative (busy and imaginative writing and art) followed by a crash in energy. One of the things I'd like to commit to is to make a solid effort to being present, and loving and treating myself with love, care and respect because if I do, I won't end up draining her of so much emotional energy. I do love to do this. And this energy needs to be in reserves for Stinkapee and Fatty boy.

Love myself. Make love to myself. Take myself out. Have a bath. Cry.

It's sounds so straight forward, but anyone reading my blog will know, how much I struggle with this.
One of the things I am working out is trying to love myself. What a concept.

---BACK TO THE PAD--- Right on about the cloth pads. The reality is: I am in charge of the laundry in the house, and it has yielded some positive, and NEGATIVE results. More on that later, but what I am saying is that, after some initial research I found ways to wash Stinkapee reusable pad. I think it's going to be important for Fatty Boy to understand me washing out Stinkapee's cloth pad, putting it on the cloths line and continuing on with the day like anything else.

[You damn well know, that if periods happened to us men, it would be a federal holiday. Bleeding out of out genitals? N*gga Please! There is no chance our world about be organized the way it is. ]

So, first order of the day tomorrow, when I wake up, is going to be to congratulate Ms. Stinkapee on her new cloth menstrual pad. Very cool.

Found some interesting info on line after doing a search. Useful to me. Might be useful to some other men wanting to challenge themselves:


Commercially available - The majority of commercially available pads are manufactured by work at home moms or small businesses and can be purchased through some health food stores select specialty stores and via the Internet. They are available in a range of lengths and thicknesses, similar to disposable pads, with longer pads for night use and thinner and shorter pads for light use. Some manufacturers will allow the buyer to select the fabrics, shape and size of the pad so that they can be custom made to fit an individual woman and be as efficient as possible.

Handmade - Some women make their own cloth menstrual pads. These pads range from folded wash cloths to pads similar to the cloth menstrual pads available commercially. Some women design their own styles while other women use patterns found on websites.

Washing and care - Cloth menstrual pads may be hand, or machine washed, and then dried on a clothes line or in a clothes dryer depending on the instructions from the manufacturer (different fabrics require different care methods). Some women choose to rinse out their pads in cold water before putting them in the wash with their other clothing, others do not rinse, but put the soiled pads straight into the wash.

Stains sometimes occur, however this is limited if the pads are rinsed out or soaked in cold water immediately after use. Some women prefer darker coloured fabrics which do not show stains as much as light fabrics do. Causes of staining include: allowing the blood to dry on the pad, and using hot water when washing the pad. Drying cloth pads in sunlight can help to fade stains.

When changing cloth menstrual pads away from home, some women place the soiled pads into a waterproof or ziploc bag to keep them from drying out and to contain or prevent odor, and then wash the pads when convenient.

---From Wikipedia. Seems like some good info, but I'm still trying to move away from understanding or associating the female body with "bad" smells. Just a thought.

No comments: