Thursday, July 16, 2009

You know what is really hard? Tracking my behaviours

I was sitting on my verandha having a conversation with DD a few moments ago and after much struggle to get me to talk (still as we close in on 10 years), and I begin to realize that I totally take relationships: the construction, the maintenance, the crafting, the building, the caring - .. I totally take it all for granted.

I never saw anyone crafting the kind of relationships they wanted to have with others growing up. From what I could tell, and from what my parents have told me, you're just supposed to roll with whatever the Universe has dealt you.

I know FOR ME, I certainly didn't grow up understanding the need to put thought into relationships. I really didn't. If they happened they did, if they didn't, they didn't. And my relationship with DD - that's a nightmare so much of the time in terms of communicating and building (except when I want something done).

Deep exhale.

I say to myself, that I'd like a partner in crime, someone to share everything with, but I'm not sure that's true.

I know I say this all the time.. but I will start more blogging again. It does help.
Gotta pick up daughter from camp now.

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