NEW STUFF NEW POSTtime to start again on my blog, Fall is around the corner and time to get crackin!

One of the things that I struggle with in moving through the personal work I'm doing, is remaining present, and connecting with what I'm doing in the day to day - the choices I'm making and doing something different. I, often position DD as myl motivator - but take note: I mean I position her like this - which also means that I rebel - and more importantly - this is way to energy and emotionally draining. So, TODAY, I'd like to announce to myself a little schedule. Where did this come from? Well, yesterday, DD wanted me to bathe our son on the veranda. I, of course, said, no. You see, I really didn't feel like doing it. I wanted to just bathe him in the bathroom, he could splash around, I could relax, chill out, not worry about to much. It was then when DD said what she has been saying for a long time, which is: I want my children to have various experiences, experiences which aren't defined by the amount of money we have, the amount of credit, but rather a quality of attention and care than is so important.

And I, stubborn and slow (yes I can say that- I am still working threw "feeling controlled" - sad as it is - writing this helps.. At the root of it I was abused by my brother... read some older posts for context)

We got into a discussion about it, her trying to convince me, (now this sounds fucked up as I write it) and after a while, the sun went down, and it became too cold to have the bath outside.
Night fell, and after watching one of my favorite shows, Dexter, I went to sleep (with Shomalian, my son)

Now, it's morning and DD was a great idea to go grab some Ethiopian breakfast with the whole family. Sounds like a good idea, but now we're in discussion about how I'm sabotaging the laundry. I'm off to meet my madd - father in law - .. that's another discussion.