Monday, December 22, 2008

I played the part of my great aunt and then my father

Went to see my counselor. If you just started reading this blog... I see a counselor. Boy does it help with some of my process. So we've doing some physco dramatic therapy to really connect me to the memories in my past. First I start with my old aunt.

What did I connect with?


I think I'll write some point form notes as the memories fly on to the keyboard..
-her soap opera - on CBS, and global only
-my connection to these and the price is right
-I have a melodramatic sensibility that has really shaped me because I have chosen to allow those fuckin' stories to sink in my head
-she was very focused on males (extremely patriarchal)
-loved her boys (that would be myself and my brothers)
-I understood that I was to take care of her as she got weaker in her old age, not just because of love, but also because I was a man and needed to protect her from something.. (falling down the stairs?)
-NOt sure what this meant, when no one else in the house seem to worry about her...
-I was the one with the compassion...

-She also like to cook, and was very picky about what she ate
-I think I got some of this, but when I decide to - I just eat crap (McD's) when I'm ready.

AND NOW FATHER MONROVIA (that was today)
Here is a summary of how the conversation went today in my session-

Peter: (not really my counselor's name)
"Hello, my name is Peter, and I'll be interviewing you today"
Father Monrovia (played by me when I would have been 12 yrs old):
"Welcome. Is it cold enough for you"
P: "It is pretty cold, thanks for having em"
FM: So what would like to know
P: I was wondering were you're from?
FM: I'm from ***
P: Do you work?
FM: Yes. I'm a teacher for the **** Board
P: Wow - which school, sounds far..
FM: Well it might be .. but you have to do what you have to do you know... is expensive .. you gotta have the paper to get things done, otherwise what are you gonna do - live on air.
P: So, you're in charge of the financial end of things in the house?
FM: Well no. That's more my wife. She spends.
P: How do you feel about that
FM: I think sometimes she's a bit crazy.. but you know wives... what can I say?
P: Do you like your home
FM: Yeah, but I'm not sure we can afford it...It was my wife's idea -
P: What do you mean?
FM: Well, she's a little nuts...

TO BE continued...
(all this to say, I have some of these traits now.. negative )

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