Thursday, February 09, 2006

I'VE GOT 4 CHILDREN! not yet, but this would be nice

I HAD a call from Iann, a man I was introduced to a couple of years back by my musician friend Dean. Iann was starting a new career at mutual fund company and called me up wanting me to participate in a practice survey he had to do as part of his qualifying round.
At first I felt like, "so he's calling me to talk work... we've had conversation about kids and family etc. why is he calling me abut work. Then I remembered, I had his number too - but I never called. Why was that?
And besides, men rarely reach out to talk about emotional stuff...
Even if he wanted to link up, it would have to be founded in business so he didn't seem to 'soft'.
With his kids screaming in the background (not really screaming so much as being alive, alert and excited) I thought to myself - what nice sounds... sounds of developing minds, emotions, voices...

Was this me... Did I think this... me the downtown, night/clubing... man about town...?
Oh Yes! but...

I thought I could hear this papi apologize for all the noise in the background, but it was really just me projecting. I think, inside the conversation, I actually got triggered to when stinkapee (my daughter) was a baby and my THEN business partner was engaging with a fragile, isolated, me. That person, as well as many of my early friends weren't 'supportive' of babies in the background. They were numb.
I resent feeling like a ever had to put stinkapee in the background. Or
I resent feeling like children should have to be quite, behave, or perform when I'm doing something 'important'.

Anyway, as I sat in the conversation, I thought about how I enjoyed hearing the voices in the background. I enjoyed imagining what stinkapee might sound like at 9. I enjoyed the connection on the phone with another dad. I told him so too. He seemed genuinely taken aback by my honestly, and welcomed an invitation over the house (kids in tow) to hang out and be...
I look forward to it.

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