Wednesday, January 09, 2008


I was just visiting 1TBM and read what annakiss
and DD were talking about. No - I think this "movement" isn't working for anyone. Even the affluent white women in a neighbourhood DD and I used to live in would walk with a sense of entitlement - trying to run me off the sidewalk with their BMW strollers, and $9 lattes.

One time, I was with Shomolee - when he was 4 months. We were sitting in a Starbucks. The cafe had about 4 of those mamas - and every staff person at the place was ignoring them and their babies, and coming up to us. You should have seen the look on their faces as the servers asked me what I wanted, AND BROUGHT IT TO ME, said it was on the house, and got me a paper too. I know their actions were rooted in patriarchy. And maybe in a fantasy I called the staff on this, but not for these women. Women who would never ally with me. WOmen who would call the police on my Black ass in a second. White women who are angry with their husbands - for being fucking assholes - and looking to take it out on me. No. NO. I just sat, enjoyed my coffee and the Shomolee.

The 4 baby mamas were ignored all together.

After a while, it became to much for one she had to come over. She tired to passive aggressively state that Shomolee was small for his age. (He was over 10 pounds at birth) I didn't engage. I knew what was going on.

Really, it's clear that this "happy birthing beings/ in touch and in control/ and happy birthing beings" is a big big lie. This was an example I remember with the affluent white women I used to live near.

1 comment:

The Mighty Doll said...

I imagine that the service you got is rooted in the patriarchy, but not necessarily in a subservience to men way. (If that's what you were thinking, I wasn't quite clear).

My observation has been, in general, that when a man is seen taking care of his children, he's touted as something of a hero. Since it's still very clearly the woman's role to do this stuff, when a man does it, he deserves to be lauded and rewarded.

I'm torn about it, myself. Breaking the mold we were born into and raised with is hard work, and a little recognition can go a long way. That said, by perpetuating this attitude, we prolong the time until it's considered to be an expectation on fathers to be properly involved.